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Saturday, January 22, 2011 you hear that? It's the sound of the ground opening up to swallow me whole!

There is no better job in life to test your ability to handle embarrassment than motherhood. How many times has your child said or done something that you are tempted to or actually have pretended that they aren't yours. I seem to have been "blessed" with children who are so incredibly skilled at embarrassing me that I swear I spend half my life waiting for hidden camera people to jump out and let me know I've been had.
Princess I, at 2.5 years old, has all the tact that a two and a half year old should have. Picture this, we're out shopping recently and I had to visit the washroom. It was quite busy in the ladies room and her and I managed to get into a larger stall. To my surprise, mother nature had surprised me with her "gift" a bit early. Already this is as bad as this story should get...but littlest lady, in her sweet toddler talk and with her volume turned to 11 starts to say "OH NOOOOO MOMMY YOU WENT POOPOO IN YOUR PANTIES!" Are you frickin' kidding me??!!  "Shhhhhhhh, no, mommy didn't poopoo in her panties, shhhhhhh", but of course asking a 2 year old to be quiet is like asking Lady Gaga to stick to khakis and polo shirts. " LOOK MOMMY IT'S RIGHT THERE, POOPOO IN YOUR PANTIES, IT'S OK MOMMY, DON'T WORRY!" Seriously??? "shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, hush, it's ok, mommy's fine, let's be realllllly quiet now." Like that should have taken care of it " HERE MOMMY DO YOU WANT SOME TOILET PAPER FOR YOUR POOPOO IN YOUR PANTIES?" Ok, I'm done..."yes luvvy, mommy would love some toilet paper for the poopoo in her panties....thank you." If you can't beat em', shut em' up by agreeing with them.
For my children, in terms of their preferred venues to unintentionally humiliate me, the more crowded the better.
A famous story of mine is when my first princess was almost 2 years old and she and a VERY pregnant me went to do our big Costco shop. She was beginning to get restless so I decided to give her little "jobs" to help me while I shopped. Now it should be mentioned, that at that time, while she was still learning all her words and sounds, she was always confusing her T's and K's. So here we are at Costco, in the shampoo isle and I ask her to help me find some things. "Mommy is looking for the cotton balls, can you try and find them with me? Let's call them and see where they are." This is great she's listening, she's calmed down, she has a job and she's going to do it. "COKKON BALLS, COKKON BALLS WHERE ARE YOU?" Say it out loud to yourself. There is my sweet, adorable baby walking up and down the isle at Costco yelling cock n' balls. "COKKON BALLS WHERE ARE YOU, I CAN'T SEE YOU!" It kept going and going, and the more I tried to shush her, of course, the louder she got. Finally thank god, there they were, the coTTon balls.
Then there is the time we were at Walmart on a very rainy day, and to my horror I turn around to see her running her tongue down the entire row of shopping buggies to catch the drops of water that were dripping off of them. GROOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS.
Of course then there is embarrassment by temper tantrum. Usually timed perfectly to the moment when you are in the exact middle of your grocery shop and at the farthest corner of the store, and usually whilst surrounded by those mothers who give you the "my child would never" look. My vet assistant training has come in handy a time or two, when they have begun thrashing like a feral cat or foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. It's too bad carrying them by the scruff of the neck is "frowned" upon. It does give me a new understanding for those animals who eat their young.
Of course, it should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway, these moments are few and far between, and in the end provide me with countless stories to laugh about for years to come. Our family is one that thrives on humour. It surrounds us every day. We use it to laugh and bring happiness to our home in good times and bad. Honestly, in my opinion, a sense of humour is integral to a happy, well rounded family...after all...if you can't laugh at yourself, then laugh at your kids.
I'm rambled out...until next time.


  1. Ok --that was friggin' awesome!!
    Our lovely daughter has occasionally catches snippets of our favorite show The Biggest Loser - so there I am one day in the bank lineup, and the woman in front of us.... is ummm rather large - I feel the infamous tug on my leg "Mom, Mom - that lady could be on that show you watch" - me, "Yes, Yes, ok" (my usual response to something I don't want to deal with in the moment)...."Mom - do you think YOU would cry if SHE lost lots of weight?" ...Great, just great!!
    Keep it up Siobhan!! I LOVE IT

  2. Out of the mouth of babes, right? I too, have a little tidbit. But I should start it off by saying that it happened to me when I was a single woman with no kids, so when this happened, I was MORTIFIED!!

    So, I was babysitting my 3 year old nephew one day and had decided to treat ourselves to some fish and chips. We walk in the door and stand in line behind a VERY large man. He was probably 6 feet tall but he was also very overweight. To be honest, I initially never thought anything of it. But my dear nephew pipes up in his sweetest, but booming voice and says "Auntie, look how big that man is!!" and quickly I say "Yes, when you grow up, you too will be big and strong." Without missing a beat my nephew says "not like that!" Yup, completely mortified. I just wanted to die;(

  3. my daughter went through a faze of calling cookies 'cooks' buuut it didn't really sound like that. Ive had the pleasure of walking through walmart, accidentally hitting the cookie isle about half way through the trip and my daughter yelling what sounded like " mommy, I want cock!" for the rest of the shopping trip.

  4. OMG Chris, that is HILARIOUS!!

  5. Hilarious.....keep em coming. You had me laughing out loud.